Bitter Or Sweet
by nadeshikofan
Summary: "I'll keep this a secret to myself, and as I've been trying to do from the very beginning, I'll try to become a forgotten face to you." Love is never a good thing, or is it? Perhaps, perhaps not. Is love worth it? It brings pain to many, yet it makes only few happy... [Romania x Reader - Hetalia x Nyotalia Normal High School AU]


Hi everyone! I know I shouldn't have deleted all my fanfics on here... QAQ

But I wanted to restart on everything! *w*

And not to mention I'm always on DeviantART... |D

I'm going to rewrite that Soul Eater fanfic, I wasn't exactly proud of how it didn't have much of a well thought out plot =7="

Same could be said for my other fanfics.

Anyways, I wrote this reader-insert for a contest on DeviantART, but I ended up missing the deadline more than a week =7=""

I kinda like this reader-insert tbh... I'm pretty proud of it except for the last little bit of this oneshot, so I'm deciding to make it into a mini series! [Only 4 parts total probably =7=]

Enjoy?

* * *

I sat down at a table with Madeline, Lili, and Vash behind me. Amidst the idle chatter of the dim-litted room, the seats were filled and it was now the teacher's part of the act, thanking our sponsors, stating the rules, and then informing us who our MC's would be. So far it's just the same old same old, nothing new really happened.

Shortly after, the teacher thanked the sponsors and began stating the rules of the Poetry Slam.

"First of all, each poet gets three minutes plus a ten second grace period to read one poem, or to recite one poem, if it goes over the time limit then points will be deducted, if they go over the limit then our lovely musicians," the teacher explained, gesturing to Antonio who played a light tune on his guitar. The teacher turned back to face the audience. "The poet may not use props, costumes, or musical instruments, and it must be their original work. Once the poet receives their scores from the judges, the high and low scores are dropped and the rest are added together, giving the poet a total score of 0-30. Now that we've got the rules down, I'd like to introduce your MC's, Emma Peeters and Cheng Wang."

Soon the teacher left the stage, having both Emma and Cheng take the stand.

"Hey everyone," Emma greeted cheerfully. "Glad to have you all here today for World Academy's 2nd Annual Poetry Slam for this school year, I wish all the poets good luck~" she hummed.

"Before we begin, we'd like to thank you all for coming here tonight to show support for World Academy's talented poets," Cheng smiled. "If students want extra credit then make sure to sign in to let your teachers know you came."

Well, that would explain why there were so many students more then usual...

"We would also like to thank the Slam community," Emma said, then began to list the names of several teachers.

"Finally, we would like to introduce our judges, Elizabeta Héderváry, Roderich Edelstein, Alice Kirkland, Anita Fernandez, and Françoise Bonnefoy," Cheng said.

People started eyeing both Alice, the Englishwoman; Anita, the Spaniard; and Françoise, the Frenchwoman; expecting the three to silently argue over something ridiculous. Luckily they didn't. Which was kind of confusing, but needless to say, I felt relieved like everyone else. Usually you expect rivals to argue, mainly Anita with Alice or Françoise with Alice, either way, Alice found those two annoying to no end and they could possibly argue until the night's over...

"We would also like to remind you that there are water bottles for sale over by the door," Emma smiled, then lightly gestured Cheng to say something.

"Okay, it's time to start the show," Cheng smiled, glancing at Emma, also gesturing for her to say the name of the first poet.

"Okay, so our first poet, well actually, they're just going to give an example, like a practice round I guess? So we usually just call them our sacrificial poet..." Emma laughed nervously. "...I'm just gonna go pick a poet now..." she murmured as she pulled a name out of a box.

After listening to the speech of the first poet who was chosen. I think he was telling a poem... not particularly sure... for a moment it sounded as though he was going to say an inspirational speech... when he left the stage I realized that it was actually the poem he read...

* * *

After listening to that poem, I was unsure. My poem was so different, a bit dark maybe...? While his seemed to be full of energy.

Elizabeta held up an **8.5**.  
Alice held up an **8.4**.  
Roderich with another **8.5**.  
Françoise with an **8.0**.  
Anita held up an **8.7**.

"We have a total score of 25.4," Emma said as Cheng held the bowl with small paper strips.

"I suppose it's my turn to pick the next poet," Cheng said.

* * *

Poet after poet, I listened intently. Each poet had poems that were inspirational, deep, and so on... whether it was dark, or full of energy, they all seemed better then my poem...

Suddenly, a sense of dread washed over me. I'm going to be the next poet. My name hasn't been called yet, I just know.

I took a few deep breaths. Anxiety washing over as my adrenaline seemed to pump faster and faster. I suddenly grew nervous and sweaty as I waited for my turn on the stage. To be honest, I was a nervous wreck now, because both Francis and Françoise would completely understand what I said in the last paragraphs of this poem. Knowing them, they would without a doubt try to pester me so they could help, and for what? Even I have no idea what goes on in my cousins' head.

Perhaps I shouldn't have created this poem while thinking about _him_, otherwise during my practice I probably wouldn't have a rather depressing poem in my hands... ugh, I'm nervous already and I'm not even near the stage just yet.

I've been like this for a long time now, always fidgetting while I wait. It's been going on like this for a long time now. After he stopped supporting me in the Poetry Slams... he was my best friend... but then he stopped helping me...

The first time this happened was around the middle of the school year. Only Lili and Madeline were there for support, Vash, well, Lili convinced him to tag along as well. Francis was usually there was his girlfriend, but only time to time because Francis is usually busy with arguing with Arthur and if they're 'lucky,' Alfred joins in on their argument, their arguments tend to last for who knows how long after school...

Françoise was usually a judge if some people were missing.

Other then Madeline, Lili, and possibly Francis, no one else would support me. Unless _he_ showed up. Which I highly doubt. Although, he was the only one I felt safe with... his name was Vasilica Popescu, you might know him as Vlad.

"[Full Name]," Emma read the piece of paper.

I knew it...

I hesitantly stood up, Maddie giving me a reassuring glance.

"[Name], will you be alright out there?" Lili asked quietly as I gave her a shaky nod.

How odd, it seems that I can't help but remember you now as I slowly walked towards the stage...

Perhaps I feel rather... empty for the fact that you aren't beside me while I would wait for my turn. When I was nervous you'd always give me a hug, whispering in my ear, telling me I'll be just fine. Then after you let go of me, you'd jokingly ask, 'are you in love with me yet?' while I'd just glare at you.

Perhaps I miss your mischievous nature, the way you manage to make me laugh at your silly antics.

I miss hearing you tell me stories, like that one time where you got that one role in the 5th grade. The same chaotic play where everyone ended up ad-libbing just to get a couple together, which seemed fun to tease them about it afterwords. Or that other time where you told me that you, Arthur, and Lukas explored an abandoned mansion which Violet was operating and you three ended up joining her for the joy of freaking people out.

It was really fun talking to you. I didn't really know how fun it could be to have a friend... well, I had Lili and Madeline and all, but Madeline was always with her boyfriend and Vash didn't like me for being the 'related to a pervert' (well, my cousin was perverted, but even Francis himself knows his own limits, and he has a girlfriend too, knowing him, he wouldn't dare cheat on his lover).

At first, I liked this new feeling in my chest whenever you were there by my side. There was this feeling in my chest, it was sort of a fuzzy kind of feeling... it was the kind I've never really felt this way before. Perhaps it was admiration? I do look up to quite a few people... though, this feeling was a little bit stronger then admiration... I think... it was usually strong when I saw you, now that I think about it...

But, I didn't like it when I saw you with that one girl while you were walking to class, holding her books, laughing with her... I couldn't explain it, but if I had to, I guess it felt as if my chest was being constricted... I don't know why, but I felt like crying when you two were beside each other. Yet you two were perfect for each other... you were both well-liked, kind, and popular...

I understand. We're opposites with too many differences contrasting in our personalities. You were the cheerful and a great guy, I was the gloomy silent girl... yet you chose to be my friend, of all people you could've chosen. No one just randomly becomes a friend to one who chooses to be outcasted, but you did become my friend... You were always trying to help me with my stage fright because you're... 'my friend'...

You didn't have to help me because I'm your 'friend,' because no one likes the cynical girl, heck, everyone says nothing but they're secretly plotting against me... you shouldn't be hated by being by my side...

Oh... I'm about to cry... why would I be sad...?

As if by magic I felt as though you were by my side, comforting me until my tears stopped. I looked around in anticipation, but I didn't see you at all.

'Of course not...' I thought bitterly.

You weren't at the Poetry Slam. I heard that you were going to confess to the girl you love the most. It wasn't me, I know, I've seen the look in your eyes...

I took another shaky breath as I found myself taking a step on the stage, slipping on my fake mask as I smiled shyly.

"Hello, my name is [Name]," I spoke, my voice slightly shook. "Glad to be here tonight, my poem is called **My Bitter Secret**," I said as I stared at the piece of paper in front of me.

I glanced out at the crowd with slight fear, hoping to see a familiar face. I saw a few, but it wasn't you... you weren't there... again...

I took a deep breath before I began to recite my poem...

* * *

_I remember that Autumn day, the day you convinced me into going along with you to the park on a Sunday afternoon._

_The leaves that fell from the trees were twirling near the ground, the air pushing them along with the light wind. It was a rather chilly yet peaceful afternoon, and you were just happily humming during our walk. There was only silence between us, but it was comfortable nonetheless._

_"You seem oddly happier then usual," that was when I casually said it out loud, hoping I wasn't all too nervous to speak. You did seem happier then the days we're usually in school._

_"Hmm?" you blinked, pausing your steps to face me, grinning, you responded. "Because I'm with you, and you're my best friend, why wouldn't I be happy?"_

_I couldn't help but seem surprised at your answer._

_Because you were with me? I can't imagine why being by my side was so great, I mean, sure it's nice to hang around friends, but still. I wasn't exactly the most cheerful person._

_I think... I think that was when I had this fuzzy and warm feeling. It wasn't unbareable, it just made me feel more... nervous around you... I don't know why..._

_"...Vlad...?" I spoke, catching your attention with your name alone._

_"Yeah?" you responded._

_"How do you see this world?" I asked, gaining a confused look from you._

_And I don't know why, but your answer was most surprising as well._

* * *

Turn around and what do you see?  
All I see is this bitter everyday swirl,  
So turn and look at me, if you will...  
Tell me, how do you see this world?

I stood there, feeling warm but confused,  
Because your answer surprised me the most.  
**"The world's so warm, beautiful and right,  
****I wouldn't dare rid of this lovely sight."**

* * *

_Everyday at school, I'd be at my locker, gathering my books before class starts. You'd see me, you'd smile happily, walk towards me, and we'd talk about the usual or random things, like how normal friends talk about stuff. I felt happy just seeing you here..._

_You'd walk with me to my class, though I'd insist we'd go our separate ways to class because you usually end up being late to your own classes... but like every other day, you declined, and in the end, we'd arrive at my class._

_A minute, just one minute before the bell rung, we were talking about something random, something I've forgotten about, but I knew. You weren't looking at me when I checked my phone for the time, you were looking at the new transfer student who had the same first period class you had._

_I'd wave goodbye while standing outside of the classroom, watching you walk to class with the new girl..._

_I knew in an instant, that I don't like her._

_(...and I didn't know why...)_

* * *

That smile of yours made my heart unfroze,  
Yet when I gave this sorrowful smile,  
You weren't looking my way at all,  
Your gaze was at the transfer who's been here for a while.

* * *

_As I think of you, my cheeks grow warm all the time.  
Whenever you touched my hands, the beating in my chest grows louder by every second.  
When you hugged me, I'm worried you would hear my beating heart.  
Everytime I wanted you to hug me, to envelope me into your warm, welcoming arms..._

_You know, no matter how many times I tried to push you away, you always came back with that worried expression of yours, asking me if I was alright..._

_...Wasn't this how I treated you at the beginning? Wasn't I coldhearted to you? Always glaring and pushing you away? If it isn't, then even I don't know myself anymore. How did you turn me into... someone like this...?_

_Huh? How odd... I'm crying... I seem to be doing that a lot recently. Crying over something I didn't comprehend earlier..._

_...Ah... how was I so oblivious to these notions...?_

_...I'm actually in love with someone..._

_...what would you say if... if I was in love with you...?_

_(But... I'm so scared... now that I know this... what will happen?)_

_((Will you find out?))_

_(((No... because I won't tell you... yeah... I just won't tell you...)))_

* * *

I yearned for love yet my heart was sold,  
To a world so cruel, so bitter and wrong.

* * *

_It was winter now. The evening when the weekly Poetry Slam ended. This was the first slam you weren't there to cheer me on._

_It was hard, but all I had to do was think that I was acting for the crowd. It was easier to talk that way... it was what I always did before you came along to help me bit by bit._

_It was strange because you told me you would be there..._  
_It was weird, because you never broke a promise..._

_It was especially odd... when you never approached me to apologize._

_Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt your feelings so much that you've realized that I'm a horrible person..?_

_I don't get it. I really don't. If you knew I was a horrible person, why didn't you leave me alone?_

_...I guess it's better this way if you don't hang around me..._

_I heard a faint laughter nearby, a familiar one at that. But what really caught my attention was when I was tackled by my cousin, Emily._

_...one of these days I should really thank Maddie and Emily for getting my mind off of things..._

* * *

Lying down in the non-forsaken cold,  
I couldn't help but sing my very own song...

* * *

_"Sing a song, we haven't heard you sing in a long time," Emily said happily._

_"Me? But I'm not a good singer," I laughed._

_"Please sing," Maddie smiled._

_I'd have to admit, they can easily make me forget things, even for a short bit of time._

_"But I don't know any good songs," I said, noticing their mom. "You should get going now, or else your mom will get angry."_

_"Aw, alright then," Emily sighed. "C'mon Maddie, we should hurry up, don't wanna make her wait too long."_

_"Alright, see you later [Name]," Maddie said._

_"See ya," I smiled._

_**'I wish that I could have a bit of time, to heal the ache that's growing stronger all the time, but I know time stops for nobody, let alone me, and so I go, inevitably...'**__ I hummed when they left. __'...alone... just as always...'__ I thought, giving myself a nod.__'This... isn't anything different... I'll still be by myself...'_

* * *

He lied about this world being beautiful or warm,  
It was never right because the world's unfair.  
It was never warm because the world can be so cold.  
It was never great since for me, you weren't there...

* * *

_I placed my headphones into my ears. __**'You say to look hard for a solution, but wouldn't that depend on the person? So I could never, no I could never, believe a word anyone says...'**__ I was walking down the hallways, holding onto my lunch bag while heading towards the classroom I usually sit in. __**'I just don't know at all...'**_

_I stopped when I saw you and the new girl, you were hugging her. It reminded me of when you'd always hug me..._

_Blocking my path while the both of you were hanging out with your friends. People tried to go around, others shouted at them to move._

_The hallways are always rowdy right when lunch starts. So it was probably difficult for you and your group to hear. How odd, I never thought you hung around so many people... perhaps because you were so popular? That makes sense._

_**'It's getting difficult to maneuver, and it's just worthless to try and run away...**_

_I ignored them, and decided to go around them._

_**'So I'll just hold my hands over my ears, and block out all this noise...'**_

_"Hey [Name]," I heard your voice as you greeted me._

_"Oh, hi [Name]!" that new girl greeted rather happily._

_It was because she went to the Poetry Slam only time to time, not all the time... I also skip some meetings time to time..._

_I continued to walk. Acting as if I heard nothing._

_**'Sometimes my dreams seem to be more realistic, obviously I can't be called happy, but then what am I after all...?'**_

* * *

In the end the song had ended and I was gone,  
Left nearly without a single trace.  
The time we had was wondrous and fun,  
And I bet now I'll just be a forgotten face...

* * *

_My eyes remained shut as I continued to calmly recite this poem. I've practiced so many times... so many times that I could say that I memorized this poem..._

_While I'm doing this, I feel like crying..._

_Well, maybe I am crying, maybe they notice it too if I was, or maybe they haven't noticed because my poem is boring them...?_

_It doesn't matter. As long as I can convey how I feel towards you..._

* * *

Je suis désolé, mon amour secret.  
Je suis désolé que vous ayez eu à mettre en place avec moi.  
Je sais que je suis être égoïste en ce moment,  
Mais si je disparaissais, pourriez-vous me manquer?

Parce que je doute vous le feriez...

...adieu, mon amour secret...

* * *

After I finished my poem I heard clapping, and lots of it. I opened my eyes, remembering you were once there as well, in the crowd, watching me with that toothy grin of yours...

You would be cheering for me, grinning happily. You would be the first person I saw, with your brown hair and strawberry blonde highlights.

You'd usually hold a bouquet of my favorite flowers, though they were artificial because you couldn't risk the possible fact of me having allergies to them.

You'd give me a compliment and you'd usually tell me that my poem was lovely as me, which was always a teasing kind of thing, you'd always give me that toothy grin when I apparently blushed.

Before the meetings, you would always give me a kiss on the forehead, for good luck you'd say.

And then after I finished reciting my poem, you'd tell me that you'd go and buy me something from the vending machine, and while you finished asking Maddie, Lili, and Vash, you'd ask me if I'd want my favorite drink, which I'd always respond with a yes.

I'd offer to tag along to help you hold the drinks, and the both of us would go together, you holding my hand while happily dragging me along.

You'd ask me if I had fun on stage, I'd respond with a 'it was alright' while we walked back to the room.

I guess... I really did love you... seeing how I easily opened up to you...

"Good job, [Name]!" Lili complimented as soon as I arrived at the table.

"Thanks," I nodded, noticing Maddie and Lili exchanging glances.

"[Name]-?" Maddie slightly questioned hesitantly with a hint of caution.

"Does anyone want something to drink?" I interrupted, feeling parched all of a sudden. "I'm gonna go to the vending machines..."

"No thanks," Maddie frowned a bit.

"No, but thank you for asking," Lili responded politely.

"Alright... be right back..." I said, leaving.

I walked down the lonely hallways of the school and towards the vending machine at the end of the corridor. I stopped in front of the machine, staring blankly at it.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm in love with you," I heard you say in a classroom down the hall.

Your too loud... I can hear you... what, are you trying to taunt me or something..? It's bad enough that I'm crying so much...

"...I do too..." she said bashfully.

...how expected... a positive with a positive... only results with a positive. A positive and a negative... will only be a negative... no?

**_'Sometimes my dreams seem to be more realistic, obviously I can't be called happy, but then what am I after all...?'_**

Ah... I know what this feeling is... if it's not happiness... then it means I'm feeling regret and heartbroken...

...I gave up on this love without even trying... that's why I feel regret.

But I'll stay with this regretful choice. I'll give up on this love just to see you happy. I'll keep this a secret to myself, and as I've been trying to do from the very beginning, I'll try to become a forgotten face to you.

* * *

_**I'm sorry, my secret love.  
**__**I'm sorry you had to put up with me.  
**__**I know I'm being selfish right now,  
**__**But if I disappeared, would you miss me?**_

_**Because I doubt you would...**_

_**...farewell, my secret love...**_

* * *

To Be Continued in... **Bitter Memories**

* * *

Reviews encourage me to continue working on this story c:

Send me a PM if you want to talk about something that I deleted, I'll tell you if I plan on reviving it, because so far I only have plans for the Soul Eater fanfic... =7="

I own absolutely nothing of Hetalia and Nyotalia except for my fanmade headcanons.

The lyrics are from Irony, made by the lovely LeeLee [I was just listening to Lizz's cover though =7="]


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